On Monday I was nervous. Beyond nervous. Words had started to come to me in slow motion and I was shaky. I was on my way to meet with the owner of the company. The owner. THE OWNER. I needed to turn it on, and fast. Mister picked me up and started the drive across town but I couldn’t hold a conversation. I think I shushed him when he tried to talk to me. Using the word “shush”.

I was doomed and, evidently, an eighty year old librarian to top it off.

I was up late Friday night piecing my portfolio together, out early Saturday morning to have it printed and to buy a new top and sweater pair for the meeting. Something that would immediately communicate who I was, whatever that meant. I had to remember to keep breathing.

“I’m a strong communicator, I learn systems quickly, at my last….”

And then suddenly we were there. We pulled up to the building I did a crazed final check to make sure I had access to everything I needed:

Safety Blanket Items

• Planner
• iPhone
• Water bottle

Interview Items

• Pen
• Portfolio
• List of questions in planner

I took a deep breath and steadied myself. I stepped out of the car, thanked Mister for the ride, and walked towards the building. I WILL ace this. I will impress. I will-

And then all of the sudden my feet weren’t on the ground. I was up for a moment and then slammed down hard into the sidewalk about a foot away from the door, and 50 feet away from the conference room I was going to be interviewed in. I hauled myself up in one piece, examined my portfolio, and waved to Mister – who was frozen behind the wheel in total disbelief – before clambering into the building on toes and heels with assistance from my death grip on the brick wall beside me.

If Ev’Yan’s style statement is “genuine eloquence“, in that moment mine was “terrified baby giraffe”.

So it has been a stressful week. There was the interview, the waiting for phone calls, Mister leaving on his first business trip in a good long while, tending to my new bruises from the fall (though the interview went quite well!) and all the normal puppy disasters that a week will hold. And it’s kind of fun to be in the middle for now, away from adult decisions and safe from failure. When it feels like so much could change, I like having a cradle of time in the middle where I can just Que Sera Sera the whole thing without being excited or saddened by the outcome.

Mostly I’m hoping that if I’m as much on the brink of something as it feels like I am, getting the spectacular failure out of my system before I get in the building is a good thing. And if the universe has given you an abrupt reality check this week I hope it hasn’t involved bruises!