September 5th, 2013
Welcoming The Good With The Bad (and an incomplete list of other things I’m not good at)
“I’m a big believer in winging it. I’m a big believer that you’re never going to find perfect city travel experience or the perfect meal without a constant willingness to experience a bad one.”
― Anthony Bourdain
These days I can’t stop thinking about summer, and how September is all of the sudden here on our doorstep. The walnut tree in my backyard has started to casually drop its leaves, and while it hasn’t issued any press releases about when all of them will fall off at once, it’s getting hard to ignore that the big, beautiful late summer days are starting to be numbered.
I didn’t intend to “wing it” this summer, but I have, and even though the results have been unexpected they’ve been pretty great. That being said, it’s still really difficult to equally welcome the good in with the bad. It’s like inviting guests to a dinner party without knowing if they’ll show up drunk with friends, or a half day early and with a caterer. My comfort zone is definitely where I can guess at my odds, or try to tip the scales in my favour- whose isn’t?
Since I haven’t blogged much this summer, I want to ease back in by sharing some of what’s been going on behind the scenes in my world. And while I’m at it, how I’ve tried to stay true to my theme for 2013 (ease!) by responding to the good & the bad with whatever grace I have to offer in the moment. Admittedly, that isn’t much sometimes! But I’ve done my best to roll with the punches along with the highlights.
The good & the bad of the summer has doled out:
- I honoured my design work by prioritizing my clients above everything else, including blogging, and created work I truly love from the tips of my toes to the top of my head.
- After not wanting to “jinx” it for a long time, I celebrated that our new house has no foundation issues and the basement doesn’t leak when it rains! This was a fear drilled into me by our last house, but this summer I fell back in love with thunderstorms.
- I worked really hard on taking care of myself, and on not to panicking, when a staffer for our design company walked off the job. This ended up being a huge blessing, and made room for a new woman in our business who is a perfect values match for us.
- I had big honest conversations with my husband that felt scary for me (because I over think things and build them up in my mind!) that have really deepened our communication and connection, and made us more playful and present with each other. I’m proud of us, and it’s really fun!
- I explored Washington DC and New York, and had an incredible time in both. I fell in love with travel again.
- I cancelled a trip to Toronto 48 hours before my plane left, because it was the right thing for me to do, even if it was disappointing.
- I accepted that I didn’t have the energy to blog without a sustained plan for what my blog will look like in the next few years, and after lots of work I celebrated fine tuning my vision for it into something I can’t stop thinking about! Regular posting and re-design to follow this fall :)
- I was proud of pitches that I made to clients, even when some of them decided not to move forward.
- I made lots of small efforts to make more friends in my city, and feel incredibly grateful to have new friends I can’t get enough of to show for it.
- I spent time with my family & practiced gratitude that at this moment, we’re all healthy, happy and able to spend time together.
Being open to the good and the bad isn’t easy stuff, but it’s less difficult when we remember that the people around us are just as swept up in the good and the bad as we are every day. And I think that Anthony Bourdain has it right, without a little chaos you can’t hit the sweet spot of unexpected wonder that we always hope for.
This is a great post. I always try to remind myself that I can’t enjoy the good as much, if I didn’t have the bad to compare it to. In the summer, my schedule is much easier, but come September I really enjoy the weekends more because they are so short.
So glad to see you back at it and I’m excited for your fall posts! This August I had a dear friend unexpectedly ask to stay in my one bedroom apartment with me while she worked temp work and tried to get herself settled with some money and an apartment.
Much as I adore her, it’s been really challenging re-learning to share my space with someone, especially without knowing just how long they might be in my space, but then we’ve had those moments where we’re chatting away to each other in the dark before bed and just can’t stop giggling, and life seems pretty perfect then.
August has been mostly bad, to say the least. My life is falling apart around me. But I’m trying to find the good in it – being thankful for friendships, for those that truly care about me, and working up the courage to face the future head on, without letting my anxiety/fears/build up/whatever take over. Being excited about the doors these endings may be opening, and just moving forward.
I’m trying to roll with the punches, as some others have mentioned here. Being graceful about everything.
Thank you for sharing and being so genuine, Kyla! xo
This was so perfect, and exactly what I needed to read! This summer has been such a transition – jobs, new realizations, family stuff, moved to a new city with my husband… the best is when you find the unexpected perks! I love when you try to be more intentional in life and have something awesome (like new friends!) to show for it!
Thanks for the inspiration.. your post makes me want to reflect more on this season and plan for the season ahead! xo
Even though August brought a lot of chaos for me – I mustered up the courage to step down from a position, split with my boyfriend of 5 years, and I’ve realized that the current path I’m on is not for me (and can refocus my efforts in just a few short, but long-feeling months) – all of the bad (and it certainly hasn’t been pleasant) is for the best. I think just focusing on things being the RIGHT decision, even if they’re HARD decisions really brings the silver lining into view. There might’ve been some rough spots for you too, but look at all the things you’ve accomplished and are proud of! Yay! :)
It’s good to hear you’ve been figuring things out this summer/August… I’ve been quiet on my blog as well and hope to change this with the change of the season. Love to read more from you again.
“Without a little chaos you can’t hit the sweet spot of unexpected wonder”
This is exactly the sort of phrase I use to tamp down the type-A control freak in me. Adventures are worth it, even if my nice apartment is cozy and safe.
I definitely identify with how you feel, Kyla. Life’s little “curve balls” can tend to get the best of me. I’ve been trying to remind myself lately that all of these things (the good and the bad) are part of life. And instead of avoiding the bad things or the negative emotions that I experience from those bad things (which is something I have done in the past,) I need to embrace those things as parts of life. Instead of trying to control all the outcomes, and figure out exactly how things are going to go, I have to just let go a bit…and slowly, things seem to be getting a bit easier for me.
As related sidenote to your post and my comment – Have you ever read any books by Dr. Brene Brown? She writes about her studies on courage and vulnerability (she is PhD and professor and researcher in Sociology). I recently read her book called “Daring Greatly” and I think perhaps it might be something you might like, if you haven’t already read it. It taught me a lot about the importance of having the courage to be a bit vulnerable and let life happen, both the good things and the bad things. Your post reminded me of this book so thought I’d just mention it in case you wanted to check it out. :)
I spent tons of time outside, and continued to be amazed by the abundant beauty of nature, and how it just IS RIGHT THERE, ready to be appreciated and wondered at. The songs of fiches at the feeder, noticing how the wind through the leaves sounds different as they start to dry in this heat, and the sweet-and-kinda-sad calls of the geese as they get ready to wing it south. I tried to soak in the beauty and not get so caught up in the idea that my summer holidays were drawing to a close, so that I wouldn’t get distracted by the wonder all around in the present moment. Mostly, it worked. :) But that’s not always the case.
“Being open to the good and the bad isn’t easy stuff, but it’s less difficult when we remember that the people around us are just as swept up in the good and the bad as we are every day.”
LOVE. THIS. POST.
I don’t feel like I did the best job of welcoming in the bad with the good in August. I think I got to the point where I felt a little bit numb about everything. But I am slowly working through those emotions and trying to get to a place of acceptance. I guess one unintended benefit of going through a tough month is that I was reminded how many people really care for me and reach out when I am struggling.
Thanks for this post :) I need to remind myself of some of these things, often. So happy for you that you’re so proud of your work lately!
xo Ashley
This was exactly what I needed to read right now — I just moved overseas, and I’m having a hard time taking the bad alongside the good at the start of this adventure. I just need to remember that the good will come soon enough, and I need to be open to the whole experience, not just the easy stuff.
Thanks for the reminder!