Today, a year ago, I was getting ready for a day that I was determined would not change my life. I’d read all the wedding interviews with swoony brides gushing about how their wedding was the best day of their lives, how it was perfect, and how they’re so different now. And I rolled my eyes and thought, “Uh huh? Different in that you lost brain cells at the reception?” One day doesn’t change anything!!

Even on my wedding day I was decidedly having none of this fantasy stuff. While I was madly in love with Mister and was extremely excited to be married to him, getting married was just the in between stuff for me and I still wasn’t convinced that any of this would change me or us.

We never spoke about marriage in the four years we’d been together, and had only joked about it in passing until we got engaged. When we did get engaged, Mister didn’t get down on one knee while fireworks were going off and dolphins were jumping out of the ocean – there was no prom-posal. It was Christmas Day and we were cuddling on the couch talking together… and we started talking about getting married, and decided that it would be wonderful to be married. He already had the ring, so he grabbed it, asked me if I would marry him, and I said yes. We fell asleep while the Christmas tree glowed and the winter wind licked the windows with frost. The next day, and for many weeks after, I constantly looked down at my engagement ring to make sure it really happened.

And then suddenly we were in front of our friends and family, putting rings on the wrong hands and vowing to make important decisions over nachos together like the marriage newbies we were.

The past year has evaporated out from under me faster than I could imagine and in spite of all of my resistance to the idea that getting married could change me, or our relationship, it has. The day before our wedding I posted the top five things I’ve learned while wedding planning so I thought I’d share…

A few things I’ve learned from my first year of being married:

I had it wrong, it wasn’t getting married that changed me, it was deciding to be married. There is an ah-ha moment that happens in every relationship, and when we had that moment and decided together to make it work no matter what, it really felt like we had decided to marry ourselves. It’s been that decision, not the party, that has moved us through the challenges we came up against this year.

Being part of a team is really fun. Mister is the household organizer and budget master, and I’m our cheerleader who keeps a level head when things go wrong. Mister is extremely realistic and numbers/task oriented, I’m relentlessly day dreamy and positive.  Mister can get caught up in the details, I’m extrmely decisive. I keep him from getting bogged down in the every day, and he makes sure that I get out of my head and into the world every now and then. This counter balance rocks my world and it feels more solid since we’ve been married.

We can do this. Being the child of multiple divorces makes getting married a leap of faith. I don’t know what life is going to throw us in the next few years but I do know in my heart of hearts that Mister and I are going to be tackling it together. I might not buy into the fantasy of married life, but I buy into working hard for what I have, and in not taking my relationship for granted. And I definitely believe in how much fun we’re having.

Next week we’re leaving on our one year anniversary and our belated honeymoon- I kind of can’t wait, and I’m decidedly excited for all the changes that will come my way next year.

Sometimes being wrong turns out beautifully.