Originally posted here with The Demoiselles

{Routine Update: I’m changing my goals after hearing about how stretching in the morning can do more damage than good. I’ll update you next week- but the Miracle Ball Method is working!!! I’m not in nearly as much pain as I have been, and I’m a much happier camper.}

The past week I’ve been battling with something that I thought I had under control, and it’s been driving me nuts.

I struggled a lot with my body when I was younger. It’s a long story that would take this post into the 1000+ word range, but suffice it to say there have been many times over many years when I really, really hated my body. After a lot of hard work and time passing I know that I can’t afford to feel anything about by body other than good humor and love, but it took years to get my inner monologue positive. The only thing about me that drives me crazy is when I feel that inner voice slipping back into the negative.

This week, it’s been slipping big time, and I have been tearing my hair out about it. Which I think has probably been, you know, making it way worse. When I was on my honeymoon I saw a trainer for an advanced BMI test and he said that “to reach an ideal weight you definitely need to lose 10 lbs.” and recently it’s been stuck in my head. Having a scale in my house again has been strange and every now and then I feel like I need to just see… and then there’s that number again.

140 pounds. It should be something I’m excited or neutral about, but now I see that it’s ten pounds off of my “ideal” weight. Ten pounds more than my (loving) bird of a husband weighs.

And for whatever reason it’s been really hard to stay away from negative thoughts.

But I love food. I love wine. I love carbs. I’m not gaining weight, I’m just stable here and I have been for a year. And I think that my body looks good at this weight. So my fear becomes, if I agree with the “lose 10 lbs” statement is it because it will make me healthier or because I’m giving that little negative voice in my head power to shape what I see in the mirror again?

I think that I have part of the solution. Stay with me….

These pictures look pretty much the same. They’re taken on the same day, one at work and one at home. I look at the pictures and I see the same thing. But when I’m in front of the mirrors I see two very different things.

At work I see pretty proportions. Confidence.

At home I see HIPS that go on forever, and no boobs anywhere to be seen. I see a mega pear shaped person. I hear the “lose 10 lbs voice” and get into sweat pants.

Do you know what the difference is? Perspective. And I don’t mean that figuratively.

The mirror at my house is right in front of a low dresser that means I have to squeak in right in front of it. I can’t back up, so I’m only a foot and a half away. At that distance I fill the whole mirror, I can’t see my shoes, and I’m up extremely close.

At work I can back up. I can see myself in scale with the room, not filling up the whole mirror from two feet away. I become people sized, and I can get a proper look at myself instead of shuffling in front of the mirror at home.

So I’ve made a few decisions:

• I’m not going to try to lose 10 lbs.
• I’m going to amp up my positive inner monologue.
• I’m moving my mirror.

I am at a healthy weight, and I would only be setting out to do more cardio because of vanity. I’m making the objective decision that while my body isn’t perfect I’m vain enough, thanks. I know myself and I don’t want to fuel that unhealthy inner critic if I don’t have to.

I’m going to start saying 5 things I like about my body, every day. If my inner monologue is weak, I will steam roll over it with my actual voice.

I’m going to set up my mirror somewhere so I can stand back from it and see myself in scale with my room, not taking over my mirror. I think that it will help me maintain a healthy, positive perspective by literally changing the way I view my body. It doesn’t change my body but it changes how I feel, and right now, how I feel about my body seems really important.

How do you keep your body image grounded in reality, but positive?

Have you had an “ah-ha” moment about your body, or body image this week?