Getting Behind Me

Sky & I

One of the things the summer always seems to bring into my life is a sense of ease- even with a heavy curtain of humidity in the air, or lots of clients on the go, so much seems possible!

The spring was, unexpectedly, a hard season for me. I lost a lot of confidence in myself and gained social anxiety as a result (I know, I’m such a blast) and felt little insecurities piling up around me until there wasn’t much room for me to be myself in the space that remained. On top of that, for the first time in many years I didn’t feel excited about sharing my life online. I didn’t think about writing anymore and when I came to this space I struggled with what to share and how to share it. It’s always humbling and surprising how the lessons you need to learn will just fall out of the sky and into your lap sometimes, and then to be even more infuriating, you can’t move on from them until you’ve Dealt With What Needs Dealing With.

How inconvenient! I wish Life Issues would at least schedule themselves in or drop an email before wrecking their havoc.

I’ve been doing a lot of work on gaining confidence and getting behind exactly who I am, and I’m working on being accepting of the funny things that make me myself. I’m a jeans and t-shirt girl, a tattoo collector, fiercely opinionated, wholeheartedly passionate. I love weekend naps, am most at home when I’m cooking, adore cheesy horror and sci fi movies, and love to read alarmingly long books. I’m a researcher, a geeky girl, a details person, an encourager, an animal lover, and someone who needs a lot of alone time to recharge. I love to make things but I’m an organizer, not a “crafter” and I’m always going to try to find the story of the people around me when I’m not trying to make them laugh. I’m trying to be accepting and loving about those things and to ignore the fashionable / photoshopped / crafty / vintage / goddess / girl who doesn’t exist, but somehow keeps creeping into my head and putting me down!

So I’ve been doing a lot of work for the past month or two, and I’m happy to be doing a lot better :)

Maybe on the other side of this it’s not a surprise that so much seems possible, now that I’ve processed what I need to and have rallied my internal cheerleading team, but I’m happy to feel more like myself, to be thinking about writing again, and to feel excited for everything that comes with the summer and having certainty and self confidence behind me.

To celebrate the changes I’ve been making to my square old heart I’m redesigning my blog (this week or next!) and am getting a new tattoo tomorrow. I think both will be exactly what I need.