Isn’t the last week in November a little early for a work hosted holiday party? This past Saturday I found myself asking that question as I burrowed into my closet, attempting to find something appropriately festive for a formal-ish affair where there would be cranberries floating mingling with the ice in my water, and wreaths hanging on the walls.

It feels too early – everyone seems to be hanging stockings and decking halls already, and while Mister and I have put up a string of Christmas lights (Hi! We’re festive too!) I’m not really ready to jump in head first to the holiday things. The posts on NaBloPoMo’s community forum are still warm! Don’t we have to pay our respects?

But early or not, I sorted through the “too see-through”, “not tall enough”, “has ribbing” and “actually knee socks” selections in the black tights area of my dressed until I found the right pair, then the right heels, and got the right curl happening with my hair. And then I enlisted Mister to give me a piggyback to the car.

I think that it would be in everyone’s best interest if there could be some standing ground rules to govern work holiday parties:

  • Please feed your vegetarians before the party, because a hungry vegetarian at a banquet function sets up the meal for failure. Eating veg at large events is like playing Russian Roulette at best – either you have all of the side dishes heaped onto a plate, or there is a chef in the back of the hall dying to make something that’s off the menu, and you will receive a five star meal while everyone else chews on lukewarm chicken. Either way, come peckish – if it’s good food you can take it home.
  • If you’re going to do speeches, please decide which executive will mention that the company will reimburse for cab fare. Don’t have half of all the speeches be dedicated to this topic. We get it. We’re drunks. You’re liable. Thank you for your accommodation.
  • Can we agree that if it’s called a holiday party, it should be about the holidays and not about Christmas trees and other very specific holiday elements? Because if it’s a Christmas party, lets have Santa stop in – I’m all for it! But let’s not call it something it’s not, that’s just weird.

The night ended up being a pretty good time for the kind of party where you can win a laminater – which I did. It was one of the first events we’ve gone to where I’m still new to everyone so I was being introduced to as Mrs. “Mister”, which has stopped sounding as funny to me as it first did. The thing that I noticed the most was that people who I had met last year who previously shrugged me off as The Girlfriend stood up and took notice more since we’ve been married, which made me laugh.

People are so weird, they would have been stuck with my raised eyebrows and quiet comments through the speeches this year anyway, poor things.