October 19th, 2009
According to need if not to plan
More than anything lately I have wanted to be home- not just at my house, but to be actively engaged in being home. I’ve been wanting to burrow up under blankets and sleep deeply, to roll out of bed to be greeted by coffee and honey glazed doughnuts just for the sake of decadence. I’ve been wishing I could ground myself, to just hold onto Mister and I and urge us to stay still a little while- especially after all this travel. I’ve been wanting do things I really want to do instead of making so much time for other people’s passions, and to only let the people I really love into my life for a while instead of scrambling off after work every night. I’ve been trying to mend up, sincerely.
On Friday afternoon I looked at the assignments I had on my desk, the pile of tissues and whiney tweets I had been posting and at my phone. I felt overwhelmed by the trip we had lined up, 16 hours in the car, and how I seemed to be only getting more sick. And I heard a little voice tugging at my heart, saying very clearly:
You don’t have to bluff your way through this. This is too much, and you know what you need right now.
So often when I know something is true, but it’s inconvenient or it’s hard, I just resist it. I pile things on and I deal with what’s on my plate, because I feel like I’m an adult and that’s what adults do. We just deal with what we get, and if we get in over our heads that’s just too bad. But after so much work last week talking to Mister & my friends and working hard to get my burn out reigned in, I tried considering that voice for a split second longer than I usually would.
These past few weeks I’ve been trying to make a change that goes beyond just not burning out all the time, I’ve been trying to figure out if my worldview could expand to include God. I KNOW. What a statement. It’s even in bold! And not where you thought this was going. You aren’t the only one who’s surprised, believe me. Spirituality is something that was totally not part of how I was raised, and something that I personally find a little terrifying, but over the past year and a half I keep being pulled towards this. After some soul searching I’ve resolved to at least stop ignoring my curiosity, and after some sweet responses from girls who know way more than I do, I was advised to at least listen to that little voice when I hear it. As a totally non-scary experiment. Who knows! God might tell me I should eat popcorn & drink all weekend! That could be good!
So I picked up the phone, on something of a whim, and told Mister we needed to cancel the trip.
And this weekend felt like Christmas. We stayed in our PJ’s the whole time, had doughnuts for breakfast, I finished all my school work (which would have definitely been impossible on the road) and we ate pizza every night. And after two weeks I’ve finally turned the corner towards getting better.
I’m feeling so relieved. That I pushed through another round of deadlines, and that I made the right choice. And that maybe, even if I can’t really talk about it properly yet, my experiment got a little less scary.
Even if it was just by a little bit.
{images: my flickr}
I found myself nodding and agreeing with most of this blog. So many times in my life, I feel overextended, stressed and piling on more by the day. I don’t know what it is about us wanting to do more and take things on to ourselves, but I think it’s nice to take a step back sometimes and relax. Really relax. So I’m glad you took that chance and the weight of the world felt like it was lifted from your shoulders.
And about the spirituality and God thing? I think as we get older, our view starts to change. Or we see it in a different light. Good for you for exploring the possibility, and if you ever want to talk about it, you know I’m here.
.-= E.P.´s last blog ..Too short… =-.
That is a pretty bold statement.
I enjoy being home but, more importantly, I enjoy being by myself/having time to myself. I love my friends, socializing, etc. But I also love being comfortable with, say, just sitting down with a book. (I know the thought drives some people crazy because they have this constant need to always be around other people.)
.-= Maddy´s last blog ..The Silent Ways People Drift Apart. =-.
Sometimes when you need a break, you just need to take it. Glad you did and you got so much done!
As for religion, well, like many I grew up Catholic with a Greek Orthodox mother and Maronite father in a country that prohibited any religion other than Islam (that country would be Saudi Arabia). Unlike some people I have actually stuck with my faith and it has kept me going when everything else has let me down. It’s what I can always turn to.
I hope you find what you’re looking for spiritually and what’s right for you. Please don’t let anyone pressure you into anything though. That can lead you down the wrong road.
.-= Marie´s last blog ..Rape Is NOT Ok =-.
I completely agree with you. Sometimes you just have to be home and do the simple things. As for God, I grew up Catholic. I haven’t been to mass in roughly eight years or so. While I believe in God and wonder where “I belong” as far as a religion, I too have felt the pull to open myself up to that part of my life again. Do what you feel is right for you and just give it time. The officiate Jon and I are having for our wedding (love the man, so sweet!) is not a minister but an avid church goer who is a volunter for the police department as a chaplain. He told me plain and simple, if I don’t know where I belong then shop around. You shop around for the best car, the clothes that fit and the home that feels like “home” for you…do the same for church and you’ll see what’s out there and what you feel fits for you. Good luck!
.-= sara´s last blog ..Survived! =-.
We need one of these weekends once in a while. Actually I do too :(
.-= andhari´s last blog ..Douche Of The Year =-.
You can BET I’m going to do something like this. Just call it quits from something “important”, and go back to work…
.-= Andy´s last blog .."I have to ask my mother". =-.
It’s interesting that you mentioned this because, for many years now, I’ve been avoiding faith. I’ve been strongly avoiding the Catholicism I grew up with for a variety of reasons. And yet so many things keep making me yearn for that faith so many people hold so close and dear. Maybe it’s just curiosity, as you’re delving into now, or perhaps an emptiness I’ve been avoiding. I’ve yet to figure it out.
But you writing about wanting to do so makes me a little more apt to at least attempting to decipher why I feel this way. After all, if someone can find a little relief from it, maybe I would, too.
.-= MinD´s last blog ..McDonald’s is always an option. =-.
This is so lovely! It is so comfy to read, and so relatable! I am a massive supporter of mothering one’s self. I always tell my sister, now that we are adults we must be our own parents. What would you say if you were your child?
And religion! I’m almost ashamed to admit that I’m considering going back to church. I was raised Catholic but my father thinks ‘Catholocism is the root of all evil in the modern world.’ Organized religion is not very popular in the pseudo-intellectual social circles of my family. I’m starting to reconsider the importance not only of faith, but of rules–of a concept of goodness and virtue. Hm. Again, I can’t even write it without blushing. I’m frightened of acting irrationally.
Thank you for this!
Good for you listening to yourself and actually making sure you got what you needed.
I can absolutely relate to ignoring that little voice. I tend to just steamroll right the hell over mine, especially when what I’m trying to overcome is emotional rather than physical. It’s nice to see from your post and all these great comments, that I’m not the only one trying to let that go.
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..Grey Matters =-.
Gorgeous photo.
I’m glad you got to have a relaxing weekend in…sometimes that’s just all you really need.
Thanks so much for your e-mail…I’m going to be writing back soon!
.-= Jessica´s last blog ..Senior Spring Ridiculousness =-.
Oh, honey, you’re always there for others, and it’s nice to know that you can just stop and be there for yourself.
Your weekend in PJs with Mister sounded absolutely lovely, and doing that with my family is my favourite way to spend the day/several days. Glad you’re feeling better, my dear. xo
.-= Nenette´s last blog ..ask nenette: video #1 =-.
I am a Christian. Its obvious. And I am not going to try to convince you that you need God, but I want you to know that you do. It has seriously been the best decision that I have ever made. I encourage you to just take that leap of faith into Gods arms, if you do, you will not regret it.
Again, that is not me being pushy, I am not that type of person, but its just my personal encouragement. =D
And I am glad that you had a mini Christmas. I love those magical feelings and moments. I have had many of those recently and I especially had one when I was in North Carolina over the summer. It was like I was in another tome period or something. Truly magical.
Keep the chin up and if God is pulling you towards Him, try not to resist. He will do you no harm but only offer grace and love. =D
.-= Kristi´s last blog ..Photo… =-.
I always think that it’s harder to say “no, I need a break” than it is to say “yes!” I am proud of you for saying no.
And as for God?! This is something I’ve been pondering A LOT lately…and will be posting about soon. We really should Skype soon…so much to chat about!
xo
.-= Amy — Just A Titch´s last blog ..Facebook Unfriending: The 21st Century Bitchslap =-.
I am not the best at knowing when to say no. I need to be better about doing it and having those Christmas-like weekends. Love it.
.-= Jessica´s last blog ..Good online bad on the phone =-.
Oh, this post spoke to me so much! I too am struggling with finding and allowing God in my life. After reading Eat, Pray, Love I actually starting being quiet and listening to that voice and trying to accept what it was saying – which was always exactly what I needed to hear.
I’m glad you’re feeling better, it’s always good for the soul to do what’s best for you, which in the end is good for your health(nursing student coming out!). I think it’s more mature for you to take a step back and reflect and critique your life than to just barrel through it, personally. So good for you!
I hope I can follow in your footsteps and continue to listen to the voice!
.-= emilyjpaterson´s last blog ..Don’t Ya Just Love The New Look??! =-.
I am a huge believer in knowing when you need to say no and just take care of yourself. I’m glad you listened to that voice and were able to just get in touch with your inner self and Mister again. Sometimes just shutting the world out and hunkering down at home is just what you need.
I think its great that you are exploring spirituality. I was raised in the church but have since strayed. I’ve struggled with spirituality and have found aspects from different religions that bring me peace and comfort. I’m looking forward to hearing more about your journey.
Wow. This was surprising to say the least. But as long as it’s for bettering yourself and not just to appease the people around you, then I am completely supportive.
Your weekend sounded quite a lot like mine. I spent so much alone time, that I never want it to end. Ever.
PS. I will allow you to adopt my rat and eat my potato leek soup whenever you feel like it, my love.
.-= Awmb´s last blog ..Current October Status =-.
Good for you chick, for doing what’s best for you despite other plans! A weekend of pj’s and donuts and pizza? Sounds so divine! Good for you for taking some time out :)
.-= Elly´s last blog ..The WinterGarden Shoot =-.
A week of H1N1 forced me home last week to eat soup, sleep and catch up on bad reality tv with no guilt. Perhaps it was Gods will. Good on you for taking the time out to decompress, so many people ignore than inner feeling and end up more burnt out than if they’d stopped for a moment, or weekend.
And donuts for breakfast sounds like heaven.
it’s really surprising how easy it is to get overwhelmed sometimes, and baffling how hard it is to recognize when enough is enough. good for you for taking that extra second to make heads or tails of it!
i know exactly how you feel when it comes to considering spirituality, and offer as much support as is possible – short of exploring it all for you. i was raised in a christian household, but have since started exploring other options, with a lot of surprises on the way. it isn’t all comfortable and it isn’t all clear, but it’s definately worth the “experiment”!
.-= Jenny Kellerhals´s last blog ..Adventures in Cooking: Halloween Sugar Cookies =-.
Thanks so much for sharing that, girl! So happy things are getting better for you.
.-= Erin´s last blog ..Nostalgia. =-.
I’m glad you and Mister were able to get a weekend to yourselves and not go anywhere. Isn’t it exciting to not drive your car at least for a day? I love days like that!
.-= steph anne´s last blog ..Making a Decor Statement! =-.
Why is it so hard to take care of ourselves? I feel like I’m so good with other people’s needs, and so, so bad with my own.
.-= nicoleantoinette´s last blog ..how to break the mental health taboo =-.
Hi Kyla! I thought about you several times over the weekend. 1) Because I bought the skincare kit (I’ll let you know how I like it, so far so good). 2) Because I was so over-scheduled that I barely had time to sit down. I felt awful when my husband had to beg me to sit down and watch a movie with him. I did watch the movie, and it was awesome to STOP MOVING for 90 minutes. I really need to learn how to say no, but I’m horrible at it, as evidenced by plans every night this week.
I have been feeling the same way lately. I just feel burnt out sometimes and I can’t recall the last weekend, we actually stayed home and watched movies all day.
Interestingly, Collin and I planned nothing for our next weekend and we feel good about it.
I am glad this past weekend has been making your feel alot better about yourself and how you feel about life. :) You go girl!
.-= Stefanie´s last blog ..Why to become a US citizen. =-.
I am a big fan of knowing my limits.
Big. Fan.
Also, I want to touch on the bit where you sort of blow your own mind. (cough* God *cough)
There are so many blessings to being spiritual – whether you like to do yoga and meditate or pray a Rosary. Though it can be divisive, I think it can also be a huge blessing to ourselves (and the world if you think about social justice teachings and such.) I think we’re all spiritual, and when we lose touch with that, we are overwhelmed and stressed out.
My favorite reminder:
“It is not the passionate appeal that gains God’s attention as much as the quiet placing of our difficulties and worries in God’s hands.”
No matter what happens – you are a spiritual being. :) You know that. Even if tea is your prayer. Love you!
PS: Awesome photos.
.-= ashley.star´s last blog ..WordPress, I SO Want to Love You. =-.
I am a big fan of knowing my limits.
Big. Fan.
Also, I want to touch on the bit where you sort of blow your own mind. (cough* God *cough)
There are so many blessings to being spiritual – whether you like to do yoga and meditate or pray a Rosary. Though it can be divisive, I think it can also be a huge blessing to ourselves (and the world if you think about social justice teachings and such.) I think we’re all spiritual, and when we lose touch with that, we are overwhelmed and stressed out.
My favorite reminder:
“It is not the passionate appeal that gains God’s attention as much as the quiet placing of our difficulties and worries in God’s hands.”
No matter what happens – you are a spiritual being. :) You know that. Even if tea is your prayer. Love you!
.-= ashley.star´s last blog ..WordPress, I SO Want to Love You. =-.
Kyla, love, I am so there with you. I’ve been wanting to connect more with my spirituality and figure out what I believe in; I haven’t posted about it because it’s hard to put it into words, really. That little voice, though? It’s there for a reason. And that pull toward something greater? It happens for a reason. (All in my opinion, of course.)
It looks like we’re both in for some soul-searching. I’m excited to read about yours when (and if) you become ready to tell your story.
.-= Megan´s last blog ..A Worried “Mother” =-.
I love you girl!
I had a bit of a mental meltdown this weekend. I realized I was being pulled in a million different directions. Consequently, each area was only getting a fraction of my attention and I wasn’t pleased with anything I was doing. And I need DOWN TIME. For me! And my husband! You are sooo smart to do that!
.-= Chelsea´s last blog ..In Heaven There Is No Beer =-.
Your heart is beautiful, I know the feeling of wanting to help everyone & at times sacrificing your health. But you really have to do what’s best for you first.
If you ever want to talk about spirituality & God, I’d be more than happy to discuss. I think no matter what conclusion you come to, it’s important to reach out & explore.
I’m glad you took such a necessary break, keep taking your time to mend. ;)
.-= Alexis´s last blog ..Guarded =-.
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned as an adult is when to say no. When to cut back when you’re overburdened. When to slow the heck down. It’s not being irresponsible. It’s knowing your limits.
Also, will be interested to hear about this spiritual journey you may or may not be taking.
.-= SoMi’s Nilsa´s last blog ..Anniversary =-.
Hey! I’m glad you decided to take it easy and are on the mend! I find myself so underwhelmed these days externally that I am overwhelmingmyself internally. I don’t know if that last sentence made any sense, but I was fairly ambitious about writing it.
I also love random bold sentences about knowing/finding/experiencing God. This summer I had my spiritual cherry popped after I found the Big G in a gay bar. I think I am just going to stop typing here before I manage to write anything else.
.-= Rugged Fox´s last blog ..a good man is hard to catch =-.
im so glad to hear that you’re feeling revived. sounds like you did the exact thing you needed to for yourself.
Oh wow, I’m so glad you’re feeling a little better. Pizza every night sounds amazing as well…
.-= Alana´s last blog ..Sunday Confessional: I’m exhausted, and it’s only 7:38 =-.
I found this post really interesting because I too have been trying to explore my spirituality recently, after eing closed off to it for years. It really is scary to change your belief system and I’m only at the very beginning of the journey. But I think a big part of it comes from listening to yourself, and it looks like you’re doing a good job of that. Hope you’re feeling better.
“So often when I know something is true, but it’s inconvenient or it’s hard, I just resist it.”
I absolutely do the same thing.
Sometimes you just really, really need some time to yourself, in your own home. Glad you took the weekend off and enjoyed it!
.-= Vanessa (Last Night’s Leftovers)´s last blog ..People Say Dumb Things =-.
Gorgeous photos, miss.
I’m so glad that you got your burn out reigned in, even if it meant cancelling your trip. I’m exactly the same way. I’ve been brought up with a “fake it til you make it” attitude, which means always saying yes and figuring out how to get everything done. And it’s a hassle.
Especially with school being in now, and with work being bananas, I need to remember that it’s okay to say no. Or to send B to things without me, as sad as that may make me. School, and my mental health, is the priority now.
That was a slightly shocking bold line there, but it’s a good one. I’m glad you’re following your heart and the little voices that are telling you to experiment. No harm can come of investigating what you believe. I wish you all the best on your journey. xo
.-= Elle Bee´s last blog ..Jitters =-.
I could just copy and paste Lisa’s comment here. Ditto evertything she said.
I don’t know if you have read the new Dan Brown novel, but I finished it this weekend and it proved to be a vessel to in a small way, recharging my Chrsitstian values. It talks about how God isn’t “up there somewhere” but rather He is inside all of us already. It really resonated with me. I’m not a Church-goer, but on occasion the feeling in me to pray is so strong that I walk to the nearest church (of any denomination) and I pray. And I truly do feel at peace.
I encourage you to explore these feelings more!
hey there kyla! i am very happy to hear you took some time to yourself. we all need to do that sometimes. it’s good for the soul!
and…don’t feel shy or weird about being curious about God. i think it’s something we all have to deal with one way or another. i was raised suuuuper christian and so for a long time i just completely stayed away from it all. but as i’m getting older, i’m starting to think that i might have room in my heart for some of the beliefs, even if i don’t agree with everything. and the fact that God (for me…whatever he is…) watches out for me has been evident in my life. so. i can’t deny that i suppose!
anyway. good luck on your search! it is scary…but i think good to question things.
have a great week! (and i really hope i made sense!) haha
I’m glad things are getting better and you are feeling better! We had a similar lazy weekend and it was just what I needed to recharge my battery. After going and going its nice to just be home.
.-= Kelly´s last blog ..Happy Birthday Sis =-.
It can be hard, especially this time of year to allow yourself time for what you really need. Good on you for making yourself a priority.
.-= The Maiden Metallurgist´s last blog ..Wish List =-.
I was nodding my head in agreement through this entire blog. There are days and weeks where I feel over-extended all I want to do is spend the time in my sweats, with books, movies, and cuddles and just relax. So sometimes, that’s what I do. I’ve lately found myself exploring my faith as well and it’s an interesting journey so far.
I’m glad you and Mister had a great weekend and even moreso that you’re finally feeling better!
.-= Nora´s last blog ..Darling =-.
Sometimes the best plans just happen when you cancel everything else you’ve planned. :)
.-= Lacey Bean´s last blog ..Over the top! =-.
this definitely struck a chord with me. i’m the same way – i’ll keep piling stuff on to my plate, without any regard to my well-being or needs. it’s almost impossible for me to take a step back and consider myself, so i really admire you for being able to do so!
.-= kori´s last blog .. =-.
I am so, so happy to hear this change in tone with you, lady. I think it’s more ‘adult’ that you listened to that voice that told you just to STOP and be than it wouldn’t been to power through it.
To be so in tune – even when you might not realize it – with your own thoughts and needs… this is much more a sign of maturity than barreling through something because you’re ‘supposed to.’
Continue to take care of yourself, glazed donuts and pizza and all. :)
.-= Doniree´s last blog ..The Good Mood Blogger Gig and a Free Nintendo DSi =-.
Good for you for listening to (all) of your little voices this past weekend. Both of them seemed to really open your eyes to something unexpected- which is the best time to pay attention.
Good luck in your experiment!
.-= Melissa´s last blog ..Too. Much. Stuff. =-.
I have a similar problem. I totally over commit myself and stretch myself entirely too thin. Good for you for cancelling your trip and spending a quiet weekend at home with the mister – sounds like it was just what you needed.
I think its great that you are feeling this pull to God. That is such a great feeling – even tho it can be confusing at times.
Spirituality is a place I’ve tried to get back to for a long time. When things have been rough over the last couple of years its really been something stable for me…
I’m glad you feel much better, sweetie! We spent almost all weekend in our PJs too! It’s totally WORTH it! :D
Spirituality is something I’ve really struggled with for years. (I think it’s supposed to be hard though?) And sometimes I feel, when things get crazy and confusing, that I need something to ground me. Something I can believe in, to hold me down. Like a foundation, you know? But like I said, it’s hard.
I’m glad you’re on the road to being better to yourself. A weekend can’t be anything but wonderful if there’s lots of pizza and pj time involved. :]
.-= sleepyjane´s last blog ..Blogger meet-up and other things =-.