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July 21st, 2015
My worst boss ever. (Real talk alert!)
Last week I was speaking with one of my coaching clients, and as soon as she got the words out my heart dropped.
“She told me she had considered firing me, but was just going to cut my hours instead.”
I’ve heard so many stories like this from amazing women who are now successful small business owners, but it’s not a story you hear a lot.
We don’t hear these stories because there isn’t an obvious “10 easy steps you’ll have to see to believe!” post about it. And we don’t hear them because the in-between parts of our personal story is hard to share. Especially in the moment, when things are messy and unsure.
When it comes to striking out on your own, your story might start with an unexpected boom or with a confetti cannon. What really matters is that you have choices to make today.
There isn’t one right way to get there, and there isn’t one right way forward.
There are people who work for themselves who knew what they loved to do, but struggled to make that into a business.
There are people who started their family, and then realized that going back to full-time work wouldn’t work for them. They had to find a business idea that could create a lifestyle they were passionate about.
There are bloggers who have an audience without a business engine to make it profitable.
There are business owners who wish they had the audience and engagement that bloggers had.
Again: There isn’t one right path. But thank goodness for that! Can you think of anything more boring?
Let me tell you how I got started – it’s anything but boring.
My bumpy start to self employment
I’ve shared my story about becoming self-employed before, but as I spoke with my client I realized that I hadn’t ever shared the full story here. And the full story is definitely not something glossy like you’d see on Pinterest.
When I knew I wanted to work for myself I worked to make my hobby into a part-time job wage. When I go to that point, I quit my full-time job and got a part-time one at a florist shop so I could focus on turning my work into a full income.
I loved working with the florist. I would press thin green wire through blooming flowers, then place it just so. I’d wrap flower stems with tape until they turned into bouquets for wedding parties. For my peace of mine, I was up front about my intentions. I let them know that after Christmas I would leave to work for myself.
A few weeks before my last shift, I saw a message on my phone. The shop owner’s voice sounded strained as she told me my shift was cancelled and I should come in for a meeting the next day.
When I arrived the following day the owner calmly explained that sales had been low lately, and that it was clear to her from this that something was going on.
She looked right at me and said “I know you must be stealing from the store.”
She had cancelled my shift because she needed time to bring in the full staff and complete an inventory of the store to see how much I’d stolen. While though they didn’t find anything missing, she explained that I was fired because no one would feel the same way about me.
It was surreal to call my husband and tell him I had lost my job for not stealing from my work.
That night I called my best friend, who told me that only copious amounts of cheese would help. She picked me up and drove us to a fondue restaurant, and while I laughed and cried about how absurd it was she looked over at me and joked,
“So, congratulations on being self employed!”
It wasn’t the picture book arrival I’d hoped for, but it was real.
As you’re not hurting other people, and you’re being honest? You can take your business story in any direction you like.
I share this story to say that if your own small business feels messy right now, please know that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.
Don’t beat yourself up if it’s not all cupcakes and Pinterest.
If you can’t see what you’ll be doing ten moves from now, that doesn’t mean you’re on the wrong path.
Your small business story doesn’t have to be shiny and pretty. Where you come from doesn’t define where you’re going.
The most important thing you can do is choose to make it different.
You can choose to act like the boss you wish you had today.
You can re-work your business model so it takes supports a more sane life and happier bank account.
If you needed help remembering, I hope this helped. And if you need help finding your next step, I’d love to be part of your team.
It’s terrible for a boss to bruise you’re reputation in the workplace then blame you for it. Sorry this happened to you. Your post was right on time! I’m currently on maternity leave for a few more weeks and I’m dreading going back to work. Having my son has changed everything for me. Im considering going back for 6 months then working part time while I continue to build my business. It’s been a challenge with a newborn, but I have really been rebranding my business and getting ready to relaunch next month! So glad I found your site! It has definitely motivated me ????
Thank you so much for sharing this, Kyla! I love the quote, “It’s not all cupcakes and Pinterest”… Having recently been “let go”, I feel this is the time to move forward. Thank you for reminding us that our journeys are unique and there is no blueprint for success! xo
All I can say is that was wrongful dismissal and you should’ve taken it up with the M.O.L. —in the long run you may say “it doesn’t/didn’t really matter because her business failed” but you would be wrong. It does matter that employees use the ministry to protect their rights against abusive and shady employers because if workers *dont’* then those “worst bosses ever” will only continue to take advantage of people and be generally horrible. Using stress as an excuse for her behaviour shows weakness on your part Kyla, not strength. Forgiving her for being horrible because it got you where you are now? Sure. Making excuses for someone is never okay and it reflects poorly on you as well.
There are governing bodies there to protect workers for a reason. Going “oh well tee hee” about it diminishes how difficult and common situations like this are, and diminishes the struggle of those who are discriminated against simply for being a min.wage workers.
Of course it was wrongful dismissal, and employers need to be held responsible when they take advantage of other people. My experience of this wasn’t fun or cute, it was terrible. And there’s certainly nothing entertaining about treating others badly.
Unfortunately, this wasn’t my only experience of having an employer take advantage of me, and after that first (previous to this) experience I did graduate level HR Management training, and considered it as a career direction because I’m really passionate about worker’s rights and creating healthy teams. I also had personal experience in what resolving a situation like this is like, and what that would look like in my life if I moved forward with it.
I knew my rights, and I made the choice to end my involvement in the situation instead of pour time and energy it with employment standards. I knew what I wanted, which was self employment, so I pursued that and I feel really good about how I handled the situation.
When it was happening I told the business owner who was firing me, that it was wrongful dismissal, and that it was illegal – and that I’d decide how to handle it on my own, which I did. Quite rightly, she was terrified, and I hope that I scared her back to reality. At the end of the day, everyone has the right to choose what’s right for them, but it’s crucial to know your rights so you can be empowered to choose.
I love small business owners, and I love people who support them by shopping with them and working for them. I also put a ton of effort behind that every week, by creating free resources to help them. But acknowledging that someone can act with poor judgement, alongside having a lot of sympathy for them is a compassionate response, not weakness.
In the case of my coaching client, we had a long conversation about her rights and about how to find information about employment standards in her state. And then we went back to the work that I’m there to help her with – making her own small business healthy enough that she can become self employed, and be an amazing employer to the people she works with, no matter what situation life hands her.
I love this. I definitely am the one that needed a kick in the butt to get me started. I always wanted to freelance but it was hard getting started. I got an job that was somewhat in my field but not creative at all. Let’s say I hate it. I feel like a bird in a cage. Last year the owner of the company decided to embarrass me in front of everyone in he office. Saying how he should have fired me for designing a horrible poster. (That his daughter and two other bosses signed off on and I was already printing) I got so furious I started TwoEasels that week. Since then I have told them I am leaving and they are fully aware I’m working in the side. And that I hate them all. Lol. Btw, my boyfriend is my manager there so they know I’m only there till the end of summer (it’s the busiest season) because I want to help Sean not the company. End of September and I’m out.
Thanks for this post. It definitely is a good one and so true for many of us. Not all stories are shiny. Usually we need a little anger to really push ourselves.
I’m so happy you took the leap, Veronica! Publicly shaming people? Wow. Talk about someone who forgets what it’s like to work for someone else. I’m glad that you’re getting out, and just signed up for your hand lettering course information because it looks so good! Thanks for commenting and sharing your story.
Oh Kyla – I have secondary indignation for you! Did you ever get an apology from this woman?
Hahaha Janet, this is one of the reasons I enjoy you so much. She got in touch with me a year later to apologize and offered to take me out to lunch as a way to bury the hatchet… and them she never followed through on her offer to meet in person! I was pretty amazed. This was one in a long series of events that taught me that what people say tells you about who they want to be, and what people do is what you have to judge them on and respond to. Thinking about it and intending to be a good person? It just doesn’t count, because it’s mostly self rationalization. How you act is who you are. In my books at least! :)
Well at least she apologised I suppose Kyla – that’s something! I had a ‘bad boss’ episode right at the start of my career. He approached me to pitch a story to me years later when I was editing at the Guardian – he hadn’t made the name connection! I asked him if he remembered me and he kind of went quiet after that. Have always believed you should be nice to people on the way up etc. Have met a few mean-mouthed editors on the way up and then again on the way down… it’s hard to forget how they behaved towards you when they thought you were a ‘nothing’ it really is.
Kyla, this was just what I needed to read today. I’m at a point right now where my department will likely be losing funding within 2 years, and while I have those 2 years to plan, it’s really bummed me out. I’ve hated the thought of having to get back into the interviewing process because I’d been hoping to eventually work for myself. I didn’t think I could be at that point within 2 years. But this post has made me realize I don’t have to be. I’m going to go for it. :)
I love that you’ve decided that, Holly!! Congratulations! *confetti cannon turns your inbox into a party*
Two years is a great amount of time. Most businesses take 3 – 5 years to get through the awkward stages where there’s not a lot of money around, so I’d encourage you to start it ASAP and start putting in your boots on the ground experience early. Business building is exciting and scary and wonderful, and I’m here cheering you on! If you’re not part of my free community on facebook, Daring Creative Workshop, be sure to join up. We do accountability check in’s and post sharing each week, and there’s lots of support so you don’t have to do it alone :)
Oh my goodness that’s awful and so many others here have had similar experiences :( I would love to work for myself but I have no idea what I would do.
Thanks for commenting – and I want you to know that not knowing what your business idea should be is completely normal. Some people come to work for themselves from a passion project, and for them it’s generally a struggle to monetize. For other people who are passionate about business and the independence of self employment, monetizing is much easier but finding that idea is a struggle. If you’re looking for people to help you with that, Michelle Ward is amazing and so is Lauren from Create as Folk. Both have sites full of wonderful advice and free resources. You’ll get there! Keep reading, going deep into your interests and work with people you look up to when you feel like you’re ready for more help but aren’t sure how to get there. (No one ever feels totally ready!)
Ha! I totally had the same thing happen to me at my first real job. I was so upset and confused about the whole situation. I worked for Starbucks and was doing really well, really getting into my groove and then one day out of nowhere I was called into a meeting about my till being off weird amounts of money and though they couldn’t conclude anything, and they weren’t outright saying I stole money, they fired me because “it would probably be best for you since others wont look at you the same way now and this will be less humiliating”. I just sat there and thought “what are you talking about? Why didn’t you ask me the first time it came up? How is this any less humiliating?!” It was a horrific experience to be fired for not stealing.
I’m sorry you went through that, Kendra! I’m with you – if there’s a reason I’m being fired, share it with me. If there isn’t, get real with yourself and don’t blame other people for the problems with your business! The silver lining of this is that it means you and I both got out of what was probably a toxic situation instead of being trapped inside it. I hope you’re doing bigger and better things now, and I appreciate you for sharing your story!
That’s crazy. Cannot believe that happened to you.
Thanks for commenting, Kate! I had a series of very challenging managers when I first started in the workplace. Unsurprisingly, one of the things I like best about my work now is that I get to choose who I work with. Here’s to a drama-free weekend for both of us! ;)
I was working for a non-profit and I loved it up until the last year. I got transferred to a different region and it was supposed to be a really good opportunity to full put into practice what I had been trained to do. For the first few months I was getting so confused because all of a sudden I was out of my element. I was good at what i did, but my boss kept shutting me down at project proposals or over-looking my site when it came to distribution of supplies. I figured out a co-director of mine was bad-mouthing me to the boss and since she had seniority, what she said was highly valued. About a week before I FINALLY decided to quit, I very casually asked her why she did it and she basically admitted that she was jealous that I was at the same position, wih the same pay grade way faster and way younger than her.
I was so discouraged! But the discouragement led me to quit and decide to be my own boss. ;)
Thanks for this post, Kyla. Somehow I have a feeling that a little of it has to do with being a younger woman in the business world– you’ve gotta earn street cred or something!
Wow, that’s such a frusterating situation, Rachel. A book that you might like is called Multipliers: How the Best Leaders Make Everyone Smarter
and it examines how people can either grow or diminish the people around them. While this was one of my worst bosses ever, I’ve worked for other people who could give her a run for her money. One actively bullied me by ignoring me for days & calling clients to bad mouth a co-worker and I while we sat beside them, and another literally plotted against me by, unknown to me, keeping my position a secret from HR (?!), denying me benefits and holiday time that I didn’t know I should have and then scheduling all of my shifts during my classes while I was in university as a way to force me to quit when she felt like I was too much trouble. I had to get a union representative and the VPs of the company involved to get that one solved. So I come by my fascination with corporate culture and businesses honestly! lol
What Multipliers showed me is that when people act in a way that holds other people down, there’s actually a whole different set of psychological states and beliefs about the world that lead someone to act like that. This book helped me gain a whole lot of insight and context into what that’s about, and how we can learn to act in ways that build up and grow the people around us. It’s not dry at all, and a must if you’ve dealt with workplace drama before!
Wow… funny that I asked you to link to your post. I was also fired for something my boss thought I was doing, but had no proof of. So glad I read this, and sorry this happened to you. When one door closes, something is right around the corner for you!
Absolutely! And it’s always helpful to have something like this to draw on when you’re managing other people. A clear picture of how you don’t want to act is a great starting point for being the kind of manager you want to have.
No one sets out to act like that, and the woman who was my boss in this situation was in an incredibly stressful place that ended up being the early days of her business ending. The thing I remember is that, just like I don’t want to be that person, of course she didn’t either. We all grow and make mistakes. As boss ladies (love your site name!) the professional thing to do is own your shortcomings and mistakes, reflect, apologize and do better every time.
Wow, that’s quite the boss. I couldn’t imagine doing that to someone.
Copious amounts of cheese always help, your friend sounds amazing!
You are such a real trooper to share this story. It think the place between laughing and crying is such a great place to be. That’s where truth and inspiration are.
Oh, Kellie – this is such a good quote! “I think the place between laughing and crying is such a great place to be.” I couldn’t agree more. It’s always helpful to have enough perspective to know that a situation isn’t all bad, even when it’s tough at that moment.
I’ve also found it to be true that any lessons learned from personal experiences, especially unpleasant ones, stick longer and have more impact on you. Big growth often happens when you take massive action – but it’s much more pleasant when you get to pull the trigger!
Wow, that sounds like one of the worst companies to work for, ever. What a tool.
Becoming full time self employed worked out for me in a similar way. I had always planned to leave my job that I had cut down to working two days a week at, but I felt guilty about leaving them (long story!). Anyway, one day I went into work and the boss had screwed us all by liquidating the business to get out of a partnership he didn’t want to be in anymore and thus I was made redundant.
I was (and still am, a little!) so annoyed at how he treated me, but I guess in the end I became self employed by default and AMEN TO THAT.
Yes, this company wasn’t in business much longer. Stress makes basically nice people do really weird things – I haven’t been a perfect manager or boss, especially when I was just starting out. But having those kinds of experiences can be great inspiration to do things very differently when you work for yourself. An earlier bad work situation I was in actually inspired me to take a bunch of graduate level training in HR Management, and to learn more about how corporate culture is create and how teams work. I’m still fascinated by it! I’m glad your situation carried you toward your passions too – though I wish it was with a parade instead of by corporate intrigue!
Hi Kyla,
First of all, let me apologize for not thanking you for your input on my last question months ago. I’m coming to the end of an amazing one year travel with my teenage son, and as we head for home I am saddened by how much I don’t want to go back to my bricks’n’mortar business, but instead how badly I want to create a new working life for myself – by myself! No staff, no offices, no equipment – just me, my brain, my computer…
This post was yet another reminder to get off my butt and make it happen! I want to FIRE myself in order to push myself that extra bit to get going on my next phase of life.
Thank you once again, for your very real, practical approach to things.
Even if I don’t comment often – I read everything you send! Thank you!
That’s a tough feeling, Nadine! A brick and mortar shop is a huge commitment so it’s totally normal to feel that way. It sounds like this could be a great opportunity to explore how you could work on bringing more support into your shop and delegating out to a manager. Does the idea of acting more like a CEO in your business, and focusing on the big picture pieces on big picture pieces sound more exciting to you?
This post came at the perfect time for me. Although I have a fairly stable job and make a decent enough salary, I’m not working at a job that I love nor am I working to my full potential. Suffice to say that I would feel very unsatisfied professionally if I am still at this job 5 years from now. I have started a small business on the side doing what I really like to do. Now I just need to work toward building it up and finding professional joy. Your post gave me the boost I needed to stop feeling stuck and realize that there is more out there for me. Thanks for posting!
Thank you for commenting, Raquel. It’s so important to know yourself and to make note of those instincts. There’s never a good time to make the leap, so make a plan and chase it down!
Oh Kyla – I know this must’ve been awful for you. But I’m just relieved to know there are other people in my position. It seems that most of us need a realisation or a ‘kick’ to help us know we should take the self-employment route. As for me, my first year of full-time employment has consisted of three bad jobs. The third one I’m in now just further confirms the need to be my own boss. Our business may not start as a happily ever after, but we can definitely make the rest of it a happy journey :) great post!
Thanks for sharing your story, Holly. That’s never a fun feeling – but you can definitely turn it into something positive. Another way to do that is to think of all the ways that your work wasn’t a good fit for you, and all the work you did that felt like quicksand. Make a list of anything that was time intensive and demanding that you struggled with. Then moving forward, as you create you own new way to work, choose to make sure those are either not part of your business, or that they’re the first things you trade services with another creative for, or that you outsource. When you work from your strengths, it feels a lot less like work.